Vienna and TJ's breakup excuse!

Today is the day of Vienna's party. The Dukan Diet, the BCBG dress and fishnets, my Mom's Louboutins... they all come into play tonight. I'm walking around the house with rollers on. I don't want to take them off out of fear my hair will go straight down again. My Mom doesn't believe me when I say there are going to be no guys I have a crush on there. "Too much lipstick and too tight a dress to claim there is no guy involved." She is kind of right. I'm secretly hoping TJ is going to be there or if not, some other hot guy.

I'm also going to ask Vienna directly why she broke up with TJ (or the other way around). I wonder if I'd get something like...

- "I'm not good enough for you." "I'm glad you finally realized it." ......or
- "You look better in skinny jeans than I do." ........or
- "John's sister is single again, so good bye!" .....ouch :)
- "A psychic told me we aren't good for each other."

I'll keep you posted :) Wish me luck tonight!

Nutmeg and Ecstasy / Salvia or Marijuana

Did you guys know that Nutmeg contains two chemicals that are used to make the drug, Ecstasy? In small amounts it's perfectly fine to eat but in large amounts it causes diarrhea and hallucinations for 24-48 hrs. With all the Thanksgiving and Christmas foods, I'm surprised I haven't overdosed. Not that I want to... it just sounds lame to say that you got high on Nutmeg. It's like saying you got drunk after eating chocolates filled with cherries in liquor. It's simply not bad-ass enough and it loses the whole appeal of getting high. I also read that Miley Cyrus gets high on Salvia, a kitchen herb, by smoking it. The effect is supposed to be the same like from weed but faster. Wow, addicts are always ahead of the drug drama, aren't they? If anything, I'd only try weed. At least it's partially legal and is not physically addictive.

Who Pays on Dates?

I've been wonder if I should be paying for myself on dates. I love guys who are gentlemen and open doors for you, take care of the check, hold your coat, etc. The last think I want, though, is to make a great guy feel used because of it, and you really don't know if the guy you are on a date with is a great guy until later on. The good thing is in my college there are plenty of rich boys. They just put it all on a credit card and their parents deal with the expenses.

I also don't want to end up with a cheap guy or with a guy who doesn't think I'm worth spending money on. I've learned growing up that the people who truly care about you share their money with you, even if that means they'd go without. I don't expect sacrifices from guys right away, but it's reasonable to at least get them to pay for me on our first date.

My Mom says you can track the progress of the relationship by whether or not the guy spends money on you. If he used to pay for stuff and now he is hesitant that means he is starting to question the value of being with you. She also says you should let the guy pay 60-70% of the time and you should pay the rest. This way you make sure he wants to be with you and is not just there for the convenience. What about equal rights? Mom says that for every dollar a man makes, a woman doing exactly the same job makes 65 cents. It's not fair for women to be exposed to sexism either but they are.

Merry Christmas! How Can You Get What You Want for Christmas?

... or if you are not Christian, enjoy the holiday spirit. Manhattan is unbelievably romantic this time of the year with all the lights, Christmas carols, and of course the giant Christmas tree at the Rockefeller Center. Come see it!

I love celebrating the holidays with my family. I feel like a baby kangaroo that's going back to its mom's pouch. Since my Mom has given herself the title of a main holiday-maker of the family, we follow the traditions of her ancestors. Honestly, I don't even think Dad knows how to celebrate. His family was never very united or affectionate, so he is happy to leave things in my Mom's hands and just help around. We made 7 meat-free dishes for Christmas Eve. We also have incense that the oldest person in the home has to light up and carry around the house to clear the energy. We normally make a traditional pie and stick small objects in it like a quarter or a piece of wood. We give each object a particular meaning, the coin is "money", the wood is "new home", etc. Then we bake the pie, spin it around with the pot 3 times and we all get a piece. The first thing you look for is your fortune for the new year. I made sure we put a wooden heart for "love" and a metal 4-leaf clover for "wish fulfillment." I really wanted to put more love-related symbols but was afraid to admit that's what I wanted the most. I'm dying to end up with the heart. Will let you know...

The Dukan Diet - Day 11

I was so tempted to eat carbs last night, you have no idea. My Mom came home with a big box of raspberries and cherry filled crepes. I didn't even eat one, because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop.

The good thing about Phase II is that you at least don't gain weight while you are still consuming a pretty much normal diet of meat, salads, and dairy. I'm pretty sure that if I had gone from the Attack Phase to regular food, I would've gained all the weight right back. Phase II doesn't feel like a low-carb diet but I'm still ready to go back to regular food for a day or two before starting the Attack Phase. It needs to be a day when I can exercise a lot, though. I want to make sure all the calories will be gone right away.

Today is the last day of Phase II for me and probably the end of the diet for now. I've lost 1cm off my hips during the Attack Phase and 1/2cm during Phase II. The bottom line is the diet works. It's not difficult to follow. I found the all protein phase to be easier since I felt no hunger at all. The second phase is harder to stick to since you are allowed to eat a bigger variety of food and you are always tempted to add something extra. I also found myself craving food more often.

The main problems I experienced on this low-carb diet were moodiness and lack of energy. I found a solutions to both and blogged about both of them so if you are going through the same, read my previous posts. I still don't get tons of energy like I'd like to, but it's significantly better, no comparison. For the people who can be on a low-carb diet and exercise, great job! I cannot make myself do it. When I start eating carbs again, I'll return to my normal workout routine.

The Dukan Diet - Day 9

My weight hasn't changed since the Attack Phase ended. I hope I'm not in a plateau. I ate veggies and lean protein yesterday. The salads had very little oil.

I admit, though, I had green sugar snap peas as a snack and they have as many carbs as carrots... not allowed during Phase II. Also, I put Vidalia onion in my salad (also not allowed during Phase II). I had some oil in the salads and kept eating stuff all day long, even though the rest of what I ate was fine according the Dukan Diet rules. I was also cranky and pissed off at the world the whole afternoon.

I noticed diet pepsi/coke make me hungry. It keeps happening over and over again. I drink it occasionally when I go out. It happens every time, even if I've eaten an hour before having Diet Pepsi. It must be something about Aspartame. I'll try Pepsi One, which has Splenda and see if there is any difference.

Apart from that, though, I feel like I can stay on salads, protein, and some dairy for a really long time... And I used to be such a carb-lover. I should add some exercise to my diet today to speed up my metabolism.

The Dukan Diet - Day 6

I think the diet works by curbing your appetite. I'm simply not hungry when I eat all protein. If I count the calories in my food, I'd come up with no more than 1200 for the whole day. High protein/low fat/low carb food is simply not tasty and it doesn't cause blood sugar fluctuations that normally make you hungry. I feel like eating every 2-3 hrs when my brain gets a signal that my stomach has shrunk and there is no food in it.

I completed 5 days on the Dukan Diet. The Attack Phase is over for at least another 5 days. I can fit in my size 6 clothes except for the really tight ones. I've lost a dress size. That's clear.

The Dukan Diet is not exciting but it's effective. I wasn't hungry at all at any time. Whenever I felt like eating something, I had turkey hot dogs, grilled chicken breast, a couple of scrambled eggs, or protein shakes. Days 4 and 5 I ate some pickles since they barely have any carbs. I barely had any yogurt but had the maximum allowed, 250ml of milk, per day and once I had miso soup. The only cheating happened the second day when I forgot I was on the diet and at a piece of candy. The diet still worked. The only side effect was low energy and I felt cranky in the evening.

I'm not looking forward to the end of the diet. I feel like I can do the protein and veggies phase for a long time. I don't go to sleep with the though of, "I can finally eat whatever I want tomorrow." It's about as easy as a diet promising fast weight loss can get. The easiest one I've tried so far. I still think the main reason why it works is that the protein curbs your appetite and since you cannot eat anything rich in oil or carbs, you consume very few calories.

The Dukan Diet - Day 4

This a summary of the first 4 days of my experience with the Dukan Diet. I should be on it until Christmas, so I can look hot for the New Year's party. I hope this is helpful for you, who are reading my blog, as well.

First let me make something clear, I do not do hunger. Hunger is the enemy. Hunger turns me into the "bitch from hell." Those people who can do 2-week fasts on water and lemon juice, that's way past my competence. That looks like some New Age mind-over-matter achievement to me. What I normally do is eat whatever I want whenever I want and expect to lose weight. It's proven that my body loses weight when I skip dinner, but I simply cannot skip dinner regularly, my body goes insane.

That being said, I decided to try the Dukan Diet, the high protein/low carb/low fat diet that brings you results yesterday. I have one dress size to lose, from 8 back to my usual 6. I had tried more cardio, walking briskly for an hour every day, eating light dinners, trying the apple cider vinegar trick. I suspect I increased my food consumption or started to build muscle, because the results were simply non-existent. It was clear that either I had to fit in my regular clothes or had buy a whole new wardrobe, and most importantly admit defeat. Oh, hell no! I have lost a battle... or two... but I shall win the war.

After the long intro, let me share with you the most important part. I only ate meat, eggs, turkey hot dogs with mustard, decaf or regular coffee with 2% milk (no more than 250ml per day total), Nektar protein shakes (they are the tastiest and have no carbs), sugar-free jello, and a high fiber drink (very important to speed up your intestines while on a diet).

Amazingly, I wasn't hungry at all the first day. I ate less than 1200 cal. I felt a little weak in the afternoon and for those of you who drink coffee, you will need to spend the afternoon at Starbucks or sleep half the day. I recently cut down to 1 cup a day, so I just took my vitamins and a protein shake and tried to relax. I had problems falling asleep, but Melatonin saved the night. I had bought it for my upcoming trip to Europe (it's great against jet lag), but it came in very handy last night. I have friends who swear by it and they were right. I woke up refreshed, happy, and very proud of myself for making it through day 1 of the Dukan Diet.

The second day, I was a little fed up with all the protein. There were cherries and strawberries all over the place. I wasn’t happy about all the meat I don’t even like eating. I didn’t complain when I was packing on the lbs, though, so I better suck it up. The good thing was I wasn’t hungry.

The third day was successful. No hunger but experienced low energy. I spent the first part of the day eating grilled chicken breast. I had some yogurt for dinner and it felt good. I bought miso soup with tofu (5g of carbs and 45 cal) and really liked it. The Nektar protein shakes are a blessing. They taste like fruit juice but have 0 carbs. I can only imagine the chemicals that are in it to make it that tasty. Oh, well...

Today has been going well. I'm sticking with the diet today too. I'm not trying any clothes yet but will soon. I don't want to jinx it :) Cross your fingers!

Are you like Gabby Sidibe?

I'm a little depressed school is almost over and everybody is going away for the holidays. My social life had just started to pick up. Fortunately, there is something to look forward to before next semester, Vienna invited me to a NYE party. I am already planning on what I'm going to wear and how I'm going to style my hair, red lipstick or pink lipstick... I also started a high protein/ low carb diet, so I can look like a knockout in sexy clothes. I'm not sure if I'm being a bit insecure about my weight, but I think my pants don't fit me like they used to. I've gained about a size, which needs to go before Dec 31st. I wish I were as comfortable with my figure as Gabby Sidibe is.

"Between the models who are too skinny by health standards and the many American women whose expanding waistlines put them in the obese category, how can you reliably judge your own weight? Maybe you can't.

In a new study, nearly 25 percent of overweight and obese women rated themselves as normal or even underweight, while a good chunk of female participants who were normal or underweight reported practicing dieting behaviors, some of them  unhealthy, to peel off the pounds.

"Overweight individuals who do not recognize that they are overweight are far less likely to eat healthfully and exercise," One of the reasons for the gap between perception and actual poundage: "If more people are overweight who are around you, you're more likely to perceive it as normal."

More than 2,200 U.S. women ages 18 to 25 answered questions about self-perceived weight, actual height and weight, and socio-demographic variables. For instance, the survey asked, "How would you describe your weight?" and participants were given the choice of the following answers: "very underweight, slightly underweight, about the right weight, slightly overweight and very overweight."

Participants also reported the number of days over the previous week they had exercised for at least 30 minutes continuously, as well as their unhealthy weight-related behaviors over that stint, including using diet pills, diet powder or diet liquids; laxatives or diuretics; inducing vomiting; skipping meals; dieting/eating less or differently; smoking more cigarettes (which suppresses the appetite); or avoiding carbohydrates.

The participants were categorized according to their body-mass index as normal weight. Overall, 52 percent of the study participants had BMIs they classified them as overweight or obese.

The shares of overweight Hispanics and African-Americans who thought of themselves as normal-weight (nearly 25 percent and 30 percent, respectively) were significantly greater than for white respondents. Fifteen percent of the overweight white women thought they were normal or underweight.

At the other end of the spectrum, 16 percent of the white women and 20 percent of the Hispanic women who were either normal or underweight thought they were overweight.

Individuals who didn't know they were fat were significantly less likely than others to engage in healthy or unhealthy weight-related behaviors. Meanwhile, those who mistakenly thought they were overweight were more than twice as likely as women who recognized their normal weight to diet, skip meals and smoke more cigarettes." - livescience.com

How Gisele Bundchen Lost the Baby Weight

The Dukan diet was all the rave in Europe. My Mom lost 17 lbs on it, and now it's my turn to lose a dress size (whatever number of lbs that is). Gisele Bundchen and Jennifer Lopez both claim the diet helped them lose the pregnancy weight, so I'm going to let you know if it works or not.

The Dukan Diet (after Dr. Pierre Dukan) is supposedly a revolutionary slimming plan that has taken France by storm. It promises fast, effective weight loss, followed by an eating plan that ensures you stay slim, while allowing you to enjoy unlimited quantities of real food. it reminds me a lot of the Atkins diet except you have to eat lean protein, not the typical for Atkins extra fat. The claim of losing close to 10 lbs in a week sounds amazing, but I read on the internet about people who lost 6-7 lbs during Phase 1 with no problem at all, and they weren't obese (obese people initially lose more weight than those who aren't obese and are following the same diet).

Phase 1: Also known as the Attack phase. You eat low-fat protein only. And drink a lot of water (coffee, tea and diet sodas or OK too but they have to be zero calories and zero fat).

Your protein is likely to come in the form of meat (low-fat beef, chicken, turkey, fish), but there are also dairy possibilities (e.g. zero-fat yogurt and cottage cheese, etc) and vegetarian/vegan options (e.g. eggs, tofu and seitan). You can season your protein with anything that is zero fat and zero carbs, like salt, vinegar, onions, mustard, normal spices (oregano, basil, pepper, etc.) and so on. You also add some oat bran (1.5 tablespoons) to the mix and a 20-minute walk every day.

In the attack phase, the only thing that will passing your lips is the protein, the oat bran and the water.

Unlike the Atkins diet, the goal is low-fat meat. The article claims that in the first 5 days of eating nothing-but-protein, you could lose between 7 and 10 pounds. See the second article above for details.

- Phase 2: Also known as the cruise phase. You have days of nothing-but-protein alternated with days of nothing-but-protein-and-vegetables. Salad is included as a vegetable. You continue the oat bran (2 tablespoons), the water and the walking (which increases to 30 minutes a day, briskly). You can see why the Dukan diet is also known as the French protein diet.

You get to pick how you mix the nothing-but-protein days with days of nothing-but-protein-and-vegetables. Some of the mixes you will read about are 5 days of protein only alternated with 4 days of protein and veggies. Or 4/3. Or you could try other combinations.

Phase 2 could last for months if you have a lot of weight to lose. How do you know how long you need to be in Phase 2 and when it is time to switch to Phase 3? Also, how do you calculate your correct target weight (which is what marks the end of Phase 2)? You use the calculator on Dukandiet.co.uk. One stone equals 14 pounds, by the way. So if you weigh 140 pounds, you weigh 10 stone. If you weigh 142 pounds you weigh 10 stone and 2 pounds.

What does the menu look like in Phase 2? The vegetables you are allowed to eat are pretty limited, because some things that we consider “vegetables” actually contain a lot of carbs. Things like carrots, peas, corn and potatoes are out, therefore. Green is in. So anything you might normally find in a salad is OK, including: Lettuce, spinach, broccoli, cucumbers, tomatoes, bell peppers, mushrooms, onions. Also allowed are things like green beans, cabbage, cauliflower, asparagus and celery. You can eat them raw, or steam them, or boil them. Your menu could include soups or stews that combine protein and vegetables. The menu will definitely include salads. This site has some recipes for salad dressings, including Vinaigrette Salad Dressing and Creamy Salad Dressing.

- Phase 3: Also known as the consolidation phase, this phase starts once you reach your target weight. You don’t lose any weight here – you just maintain your new weight. The consolidation phase adds a little fruit, bread and cheese to the mix, as well as one “celebration meal” per week. See article 3 above for details. If you mine through the article you find that a typical menu for the week looks like this:
1) Continue eating protein plus vegetables to your heart’s desire. They are always on the menu.
2) You get one fruit a day, but you are looking for the watery fruits like watermellon, cantelope, apples, etc.
3) You get two slices of whole-grain bread. If you must have butter, make it low-fat. Be stingy with the butter.
4) You get one serving of carbs per week. This might be pasta or rice.
5) Your menu expands to include one “celebration meal” per week, where anything goes. But really, if you are losing a significant amount of weight, it has been 6 or 8 months since you had real food. Do you really want to blow it now? I guess if you travel, this meal would allow you to eat one normal restaurant meal a week. As you move to the second half of Phase 3, you get two of these “celebration meals” per week.

- Phase 4: The article is a little ambiguous here. It says, “Go back to eating whatever you like, but continue to use the basic rules of the Consolidation Phase as a safety platform (eat unlimited protein and vegetables, one piece of fruit a day, two slices of wholemeal bread, a portion of cheese, two starchy foods and two celebration meals a week).” There is a huge difference between “eating whatever you like” and eating the Phase 3 diet. So let’s summarize: Eat a phase 3 diet, except on Thursday. On Thursday you eat nothing-but-protein. You continue walking every day.

If you take a look at How the Atkins Diet Works, you will notice an eerie similarity between the Dukan diet and the Atkins diet. The 4 phases are the same. The emphasis on protein and the lack of carbs is the same. The Dukan diet looks a lot like the Atkins diet minus the fat that the Atkins diet allows. See this page for the benefits and drawbacks of the Atkins diet. -- howstuffworks.com

Can Friends Become Lovers and Lovers Friends?

Jill, Vienna, and I watched The Notebook. It was the most romantic movie I'd ever seen. We used up a box and a half of Kleenex and couldn't stop sniffling. The idea of finding your true love, somebody who completes you, is so dominant in our culture. Many countries and even the US in the past used to see marriage as a symbol of safety and security. Now it's all about happiness and romantic love. I wonder if this constant search for the perfect love story is not Nature's way to make us sleep around and thus diversify our gene pool.

Mike and I are "friends" but I'm not sure if we can cross the "lovers" barrier. I'm willing to give it a try only because he is so loyal and sincere. We made out yesterday, and I liked it... but I liked it more when I closed my eyes and ignored the fact that I was with him. Other activities are great, though. I like Art and he likes Art. I'm into Indian cuisine and so is he. We love watching comedies together.

TJ's been sending me videos and messages on FB. I'm pretty sure he is interested in me and it's not just to make Vienna jealous. I love the way he smells, like leather and cologne, and I love the way he pouts his lips when he is weighing different options. I want to be friends with Vienna, though. I like her. I like her parties. I like her friends. I really need to figure out what's going on between her and TJ, and I need to figure out if he actually likes me, I mean as a girl...as a female... you know what I mean.

Why Did Vienna and TJ Break Up?

I'm using the Vienna/TJ affair to get close to Mike. We've been trying to find out when and why ViennaTJ broke up and meanwhile we talk and text all the time. It's great because we don't have to talk about us, which is uncomfortable. We don't have to look for topics to fill unwanted silence, the topic is ViennaTJ. We don't have to wonder if we should be doing something else like kissing or making out, because we are already doing something, we are on a mission.

I decided to ask Jordan first. Jordan gave me some vague answers like, "They didn't get along." and "I think it was a mutual decision." Clearly, I had to find somebody who didn't like Vienna as much to get the truth. Meanwhile Mike found out that TJ cheated with some model who was not a student but was hanging out at his fraternity party. I told my Mom and she thinks it sounds like a typical guy's story to make himself look more popular, desired by women, and admired by men. I'm back on FB to see if Vienna or TJ and I have friends in common who might know and are willing to gossip.

...and the truth comes out - Vienna and TJ

Surprise! Vienna and TJ used to date last year. I saw a whole FB album with them being all over each other. Now I can't help but wonder if TJ wanted them to break up or if Vienna was fed up with him for some reason. That's kind of a big deal because it would tell me if TJ's attention at the party meant he liked me or if he was just using me to make Vienna jealous. Vienna didn't seem happy that I was talking to him but then again, maybe she still felt something even though she knew he wasn't the right guy for her. I'd love to know the real reason for the breakup. I don't know if asking Vienna or TJ directly would give me some truthful information. I've noticed people tend to twist every story in a way that makes them feel cooler and overall presents them in better light. How should I approach this?

Tony Robbins - Do you know who he is?

Finals are coming, which means I'm not ready to dedicate sufficient time to socializing and/or blogging, so today I'm leaving you with some great quotes I found on the Internet. I'm definitely going to check this guy, Tony Robbins, out and let you know if I find him useful. For now, wish me luck with my grades!

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.”

“Our beliefs about ourselves are among the strongest forces that shape our lives. We will always act consistent with our view of who we truly are – whether that view is accurate or not. In other words, the strongest force in human personality is the need to remain consistent with how we define ourselves.”

“The balance in life is between satisfaction and dissatisfaction and between fulfillment and drive. The ideal state is to be happy and driven, where you have enough satisfaction to enjoy where you are (who you’ve become, what your life is like, the process you’re in) and feel enough dissatisfaction to want more, to feel the drive to grow and contribute.”

On a Mission to Be an A+ Student = Persistence

I spent this weekend studying for finals. I'm not a perfectionist but I want it all, the A grades, the A looks, the A relationships. The times when I worried guys would ruin my GPA are over, though. It must be my biological clock. There was a time when I thought boys were stupid and couldn't care less to play with them, then little by little they started to get more interesting or maybe my hormones made them appear that way. I don't feel like I've changed but maybe I have. I used to be a pizza and a movie girl and now... I'm not sure. I wonder if I can go to a party next weekend, after the finals, before everybody goes away on Christmas break. Anyway... back to Organic Chemistry.

"Personal Development for Smart People" for you :) ....
"I find it incredibly inspiring to watch people struggle through one failure after another without giving up. From the outside looking in, it may seem as though they can't possibly succeed. But they still persist.

Eventually they learn what they need to learn. They successfully adapt their predictions to fit reality, and finally their actions begin producing the intended results. I don't get inspired by people who have all the external trappings of success like money and fame. I'm moved by those who I can see are destined for greatness, but no one else knows it yet. The telltale sign is always the same—persistence.

One of my favorite quotes on persistence comes from Calvin Coolidge:

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent
will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men
with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination are omnipotent."

The slogan "Press on " has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. If you're clear about what you want, settle for nothing less. Accept that success will take time, perhaps much longer than you'd like. Rid yourself of the fast and easy, something-for-nothing mind-set. Keep your head down, work hard, and know that your efforts will eventually pay off, as long as you keep learning and growing.

Thanksgiving with Carmen Electra ;)

My siblings think Jill is a pothead. Mom suspects she has mild mental issues. Dad was impressed she managed to drink almost a whole bottle of red wine by herself. No, they were not mean at all. They all tried to make her feel at home and felt really bad after hearing her family situation. She is going to visit her grandmother in Delaware for the Christmas holidays. Now that Jill and I had gotten closer, I wanted to ask her about boys, dating, when she lost her virginity, to whom, etc. but my brother and sister just wouldn't shut up the whole time with their college questions.

Today is Black Friday so technically speaking we should be shopping, but we are not. I know I'm going to buy some makeup online on Monday and have it delivered to the dorm. I'm also taking my Mom's curling iron to style my hair in the morning. I hate the idea of wasting extra 30 min of my sleep deprived time on my hair but want to look good.

Thanksgiving!

A fireplace, that's what I miss the most in the dorms. It makes every family celebration and every holiday special. I would say "cozy" but here in New York City that word describes an apartment-wannabe that's dark and tiny, and costs a lot of money.

Holidays are about the people who cherish you and places that own real estate in your heart. They are about the reign of emotions and feelings over logic and reason, about strong bonds, about forgiveness and love, about "I'll always be there for you, no matter what." On a more practical note, Thanksgiving in particular is about eating turkey sandwiches wrapped in turkey napkins every day until Christmas.

This year, I invited Jill to celebrate with us.

Do I Need To Be More Disciplined?

Jill apologized. She didn't replace the food Alex ate, but that was OK. I think it's really sweet she actually acknowledged my anger and wanted to make me feel better. She opened up and told me she didn't want to party all the time anymore, that she actually wanted a boyfriend, that she didn't want to go back home for Thanksgiving, that sometimes she wished she could be disciplined and well-behaved like me. I told her I wanted to be wild, uninhibited, and with a bunch of dates lined up for me, like her. She seems so free of that inner critic that is constantly watching and judging.

My love life is picking up a little. Mike and I held hands and kissed briefly during our study session. We were at the library, so nothing else could happen but it was exciting. Now when I strip in front of the window, I'll imagine he is watching me. JT sent me a picture of chimps eating chocolate chip cookies like the ones we had at the vegan party. I looked through his FB pictures. Vienna had tagged him in several albums. It looks like there has been something going on between them. Maybe that's why she distanced herself from me when JT and I spent so much time talking to each other at the party.

Here's more from the wonderful book "Personal Development for Smart People."


"Self-discipline is another one of those dirty words. We’re told to take it easy. Go with the flow. Don’t sweat it. The myth of fast and easy pervades modern society. This may convince you to buy a lot of junk you don’t need, but it isn’t an effective way to run your life if fulfillment and success matter to you.

Even when you’re highly motivated to work on goals that truly inspire you, there will be times where your motivation wanes, and you have to tap into your willpower to keep going. Self-discipline is the willingness to do what it takes to achieve the results you want regardless of your mood. When you’re feeling unmotivated, apathetic, bored, or lazy, self-discipline provides your second wind and keeps you moving. It’s your fail-safe, your motivational backup system.

Being highly motivated is wonderful, but the energetic boost that motivation provides is unstable; it has its peaks and valleys. Even if you absolutely love what you do, there will still be plenty of tedious and difficult tasks that you don’t enjoy much.

There are days when I wake up feeling inspired, and my work flows easily. But there are also times when I feel lazy and unmotivated. Motivation alone would not be sufficient to drive me to complete most projects. If I relied solely on motivation, you wouldn’t be reading this book because it never would have seen the light of day. Self-discipline carries me through those times when my motivation isn’t high enough to compel me to act, but the powerful being inside me says, No delays. Today we must press on. Once I get that first half hour out of the way, I almost always want to continue.

Disciplining yourself to do what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it, isn’t easy. Building your self-discipline is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It’s so difficult that some people will do almost anything to avoid it—procrastinate endlessly, do drugs, even commit suicide. But despite the difficulty, self-discipline remains one of the most significant aspects of personal development. Without it, your life is doomed to remain a pale shadow of your potential. Imagine all the wonderful accomplishments that will be within your grasp once you become disciplined enough to consistently follow through on your best intentions. It’s a wonderful feeling to set goals, knowing that you can trust yourself to do what it takes to achieve them."

How Do You Handle Annoying People?

I come home today after a final and what do I see? My Terra chips and diet Pepsi are gone and my pillow is on the floor. Jill is like, "Oh, Alex was here. I'll buy you more when I get to the store." Coming from her that means never. OK, the random guys she would bring over at least didn't sit in my bed and eat my food. It's just chips and pepsi, but if I let it go without saying anything it will be worse next time. I yelled at her, pushed her pillow on the floor and stepped on it. "Keep your pretty boy's hands off my stuff!" Was that a bit too much? I'm not sure :(

Mike and I are getting together tomorrow to study Archaeology tomorrow. I also have to find time for Vienna. I like her and don't want to be one of those girls who ditches her girlfriends whenever there is a guy around.

Funky Vegan Recipe

Cookies and cakes seem to be quite easy to prepare the vegan way. For main dishes, though, it gets rough and it gets boring. If you are not willing to put in the time and use your creativity, you can dine on Ramen noodles 3 times a day. Vienna and Jordan had "fried chicken" at the party and I found the recipe on the web. Quite interesting...


Vegan Fried Chicken

Ingredients:

    1/2 cup hot water
    1 tablespoon vegan "chicken" bouillon powder
    1/2 cup textured soy protein
    1/2 cup vegan pancake mix, dry
    salt, to taste
    pepper, to taste
    other seasonings, to taste
    2/3 cup crushed cornflakes
    oil for frying

Directions:

1. Put hot water in a bowl. Stir in bouillon powder. Soak textured soy protein in this liquid for 10 minutes. 

2. Mix just enough pancake mix in with the textured soy to make a cohesive mixture that can be formed into patties. Mix in salt, pepper, and any other seasonings you want to use. 

3. Put crushed cornflakes in a plate. Dip patties into cornflakes, covering them completely.

4. Heat some oil on medium heat in a heavy frying pan. Fry patties in oil until crispy, turning occasionally.

Serve with a creamy sauce, and  mashed or oven-fried potatoes.

Wow, I Fit Right In!

That's how I felt at the Vegan Party. Most people were funky, laid back, open-minded, interested in others, acting like what others think doesn't matter. It was hard to believe they were all around my age except for a couple of older guys in their late 20's or so.

I met a really cool guy, JT, a History major with a tongue ring. We talked about the vegan chocolate chip cookies, about Thanksgiving, about traveling the world. Whenever we mentioned dating, I tried to sound cool, like "been there done that." I think I felt like he wouldn't like me as much if I showed that guys were still a mystery to me and dating was the Land of Oz. Fortunately, the new group allowed me to be a little different than usual. There was nobody to say, "You are not acting like yourself at all. What happened to you?" Thank God, because that would've been embarrassing. That's why I didn't take Mike with me, but I should next time. I feel like we are dating in a way, even though it's not official.

Vienna barely spent any time talking to me, but I understand, she was too busy entertaining everybody. I hope that was the reason and not that she didn't think I was worth her time. I sent her a Thank you FB message, but she hasn't responded yet. Oh, well...

The Vegan Party

Vienna and Jordan are having a Vegan Party tomorrow. Vienna is a vegetarian, and Jordan is a die-hard vegan. She says it's not fair to kill animals for food when we have so many other choices like legumes and greens. I don't agree with that. If it's not OK to kill animals then why is it OK to kill plants? By that logic we'd have very limited food variety and definitely should not eat carrots, turnip, or any other roots since we have to kill the plant to eat it. Vegans do eat roots, a contradiction, don't you think?

Jordan is really beautiful, though, tall and thin with curves. She makes extra money as a model while other girls have to wait tables for some pocket change. I saw professional pictures of her. I bet most girls hate her, because she makes them feel like ugly ducklings just with her mere presence. I'm going to bring some Terra chips and fire-roasted red pepper spread. If I don't eat them by tomorrow, that is :)

Cool Stuff to Try in Manhattan

Yankee Candles - They burn so evenly and come in so many different aromas. I love Pine, Baking spices, and Cranberry.

Mixed Bouquets - Flower stores sell their flowers at a discount in the end of the day, so take advantage of it. I personally hate seeing flowers die in front of my eyes within days, so I like fake flowers. This way you have those beauties around for as long as you want them and you can always combine them differently for a fresh look.

French Macaroons - Don't worry they are a dollar a piece. You can always make them  yourself. I'll post my favorite recipe. New Yorkers know they are expensive, so bringing them to a party is like bringing Fillet Mignon to a barbecue. Your friends will get so excited.

Home grown seasonings - I grow my own basil in a pot next to the window. I love adding fresh leaves to my pasta and trust me, when you are in college you eat a lot of it.

Jewelry with Swarovski crystals - so beautiful and classy without the expense of real gold and precious stones. Even Hollywood celebrities wear them, so take advantage of the opportunity.

French and Italian Culinary Institutes - great food and great service. The students practice being chefs and waiters and seem to be really excited to do what they do. For less than $50 you get 5-course super tasty food, nice atmosphere, and something very unusual for NYC, friendly waiters. I always make sure I praise everything I like about the place in front of the personal, because I know it's important to encourage students to do their best every time.

Choosing a College Major

 So far I really like Philosophy and Psychology. My parents insist on Business or Biology/Chemistry/Pre-Med. They want me to have a job that can support my lifestyle one day. They say that I can always leave Business to become an artist but the opposite is much harder to do. Vienna is going to take an acting class next semester. I'm going to do the same. I hate the idea that I can be stuck in a monotonous routine for the rest of my life dreading going to work and wasting my life away there. I'm worried that once I end up in the wrong job, I'm not going to have the courage to change it because of the mortgage, the kids, etc.

Mike keeps texting me. I like the outcome of my bravery. It definitely paid off ;)

“Secondary gain is a common problem that occurs when you temporarily benefit (gain) by embracing falsehood. For example, you may tell a lie at work in order to avoid being fired, you may deny your relationship problems in order to preserve the peace, or you may eat unhealthy food for the sake of convenience.

Distancing yourself from the truth is never a wise long-term decision. It stems from a lack of acceptance of your own predictions and a refusal to deal with them openly and honestly. When you look behind secondary gain, you’ll invariably find a deeper falsehood you’ve been fiercely denying. Your refusal to deal with that lie perpetuates an ongoing downward spiral. Apparent short-term benefits replace true advancement, drawing you ever deeper into a life of repression and denial. The more you succumb to the lure of secondary gain, the phonier you become as a human being.

For example, suppose you work in a job that you intuitively feel is wrong for you; you know it’s a dead end. When you look ahead, you see nothing but a soulless void. You just can’t bring yourself to accept the truth of your situation, so instead you live in denial, pretending that everything will somehow turn out okay. Instead of facing the truth, you search for other ways to fill the emptiness, and eventually you’re seduced by the substitute of secondary gain. Instead of your true purpose, you pursue money, recognition, or comfort.

Instead of genuine growth, you settle for climbing the corporate ladder. Instead of abiding friendship and human intimacy, you settle for a sea of casual contacts, none of whom know, accept, and love the real you. Instead of worthwhile challenges, you settle for the illusion of security.

The pursuit of secondary gain leads to persistent dissatisfaction, emptiness, and unhappiness. It’s a temporary drug that can never fulfill you. If you find yourself caught up in this addictive cycle, take the time for some deep introspection. Even if you aren’t ready to deal with the long-term consequences yet, at least admit the truth to yourself. Don’t waste your life defending a string of false accomplishments.”

I want to do something bad girls do...

... while Jill is out partying tonight. I'm getting better at showing off my body. I'll try undressing again but this time I'll go a bit further...

Like going around the apartment completely naked, with the lights on, and the blinds rolled up. High heels make my legs look awesome. When my hair is down my boobs look cuter.  Peach scented dry oil gives my skin a sexy glow. I should lose ten pounds, but tonight that doesn't matter. I'm not doing this for the anorexic models, nor for the gay euro designers, nor for all those guys out there who say they like you but want to change you right away. I'm doing this for me, for my own confidence, for my own freedom.

Dress Up As Ivanka Trump!

Maybe I should acquaint you with some of my friends. For now, with Jill's love obsession, Alex, a handsome guy, not my type really. I think the only reason Jill is obsessed with him is because she hasn't slept with him yet. I saw them kissing at the Halloween party of the theater department, so I don't know what's going on. Mike says Alex is a player and he sees him with a different girl all the time. Anyway...

I met a girl with a similar name to mine, Vienna. It's not common to find somebody named after a European capital,  but it's so cool. Vienna's roommate, Jordan, was dressed as Eve. I went to her and told her how awesome she looked. She said, "I feel naked. And I wish guys would stop staring at my boobs." I wish I had her problems :)

Here comes the interesting part. Mike was sitting with a bunch of other people drinking rum. That's what pirates drink and since he was dressed as a sloppy pirate shopping at Abercrombie, he had to drink rum too. I didn't have to act like myself either. Dressed as a dark angel, hanging out with people dressed as something other than themselves, and having the excuse of "I don't remember. I was too drunk." allowed me to do whatever I wanted and get away with it. Mike sat on the floor in a somewhat dark spot of the room. I sat next to him and said, "Let's kiss." Then before he had time to answer I kissed him. I don't even remember what it felt like. I was just so proud of myself for having the guts to take the initiative. You can say I was dressed up as Ivanka Trump simply because I owned the party :)

I want to do more things that challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone. I love the adrenaline rush.

Halloween, Witches!

Maybe I should update you on my stripping experience ;) It took literally 3 min and only because I was wearing pants, and they take longer to take off. I didn't dare to remove my underwear out of fear somebody might see me or my roommate may walk in with a new guy she'd picked up.  She does that often. It used to shock me in the beginning but now it's almost normal for me to see a random guy with her every week. I bet she is an expert in bed.

My love life is not nearly as exciting. There is that guy, Mike, who seems to like me. I can't figure out if I should do something about it or if I should wait for him to approach me. Waiting for him is safer, if things don't work out I can say I never really meant to be with him anyway, it just "kind of happened." But the future belongs to the bold. The sooner I learn to take pre-calculated risk and handle rejection well the better.

I'm going to dress up as a dark angel tonight, with a red dress, fishnets, high heels, and black wings. I even bought a Victoria's Secret push up bra for tonight's party.

Dress Up As Katy Perry!

I'm trying to decide on a Halloween costume. I'd like to wear something revealing. I want guys to notice me more, even to say something inappropriate because they think I'm so irresistible. I love the way Katy Perry dresses, like a doll. How about dressing up like Eve? The spandex would cover my whole body completely. I can let my hair down and put high heels on  then enter the room, a grand entrance like in the movies, and all eyes will fall on me. Yeah, right... People don't think I'm shy but I am. I wish I could get over that. They say the best way to overcome your fears is to face them. Do you have any ideas? I do...


Right now I'm going to undress completely in front of the window with the lights on in the room. If somebody says something, I'd pretend I'd had no intentions of flashing people, just in a rush to change my clothes before going out. Hmm, I wonder how that would go. Here's something from Steve Pavlina's book for you to read while I'm undressing. I better hurry up before I change my mind.

"Timidity is the mind-set that says you’re too weak, too small, and too unimportant to be deserving of real power. Who are you to live a meaningful life? You’re just one insignificant person among billions.
This belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In reality, you’re so powerful that you’re actually turning your own strength against yourself, temporarily rendering yourself weak. You’re like a god who declares, “Let me be powerless.” And that’s exactly what happens.

Timidity causes you to settle for puny, empty goals that don’t inspire you—assuming you even set goals at all. You perform meaningless work that doesn’t matter to you, live in a place you don’t care for, and settle for disempowering relationships with other weak-minded people who regard you as another warm body for their pity parties. Meanwhile, your true self is practically screaming at you, but you drown its voice with idle entertainment, junk food, and other distractions.

You weren’t meant to live hiding under a rock. That isn’t you. You’re selling yourself short, grossly underestimating your true capabilities. This is your reality, and you’re responsible for it. Stop trying to live in denial of that fact, and face up to it. You didn’t come here to spend your life obsessing over trivialities. Wake up and take a good look at yourself and admit, “This is garbage. I can do better than this!” Start listening to that powerful being inside you for once. It won’t steer you wrong."

I feel like I live with Carmen Electra

My rommate's parties intimidate me. I'm half European, so I got drunk for the first time at 15. Been there done that. I admit drunk people freak me out, though, and I hate losing control. Jill has no problem being out-of-it. Once I caught her changing the sheets of her bed at 6 am, because she had thrown up in it after going to bed wasted. She is proud she has tried every popular drug. We have... how should I call it... a value conflict here. My parents repeated to me over and over again when I was little that people who do drugs are "no good."

I asked my roommate what her parents had told her on the subject and it turned out she practically had no parents. Her grandmother raised her. Her dad abandoned her when she was 2 and her mom was never home working in Las Vegas and L.A. to make money. I feel bad for Jill. In my Mom's country, it's perfectly normal for the grandparents to be very hands-on with the grandkids, but to have a father who's abandoned you is almost unheard of. What kind of jerk abandons his own flesh and blood, his God given purpose in life? I hope Jill spits in his face if she ever sees him again. I think my parents were a bit extreme in their judgment to scare me and keep me away from drugs. It's amazing that Jill's grandmother and somewhat her mother raised her alone and made sure she went to such a great college like ours. Despite her wild side, Jill's probably really smart. I had to live with her after my ex future roommate decided to live off campus right before it was time to figure out housing.

Halloween is coming up. What should I dress up as?

Irresponsible and Bratty like Paris Hilton

My name is Paris. I'm just a college student from a normal New York City family, not rich or poor but like they call us on TV, "middle class." I'm not irresponsible or bratty. Not most of the time anyway and honestly, I don't think Paris Hilton is irresponsible and bratty either. She is ambitious, she works, and she has made quite a name for herself without being involved in acting, modeling, or music. Quite an achievement!

Anyway, I've been reading a lot lately and have been thinking a lot about life, friendships, and careers. Maybe it's just time pressure to pick a major and make sure I meet all the prerequisites before my junior year here. Maybe I just want to share my experience with others and spare them the drama of going through everything alone. I like philosophy a lot. Actually, I find it fascinating. Psychology is more practical, though, and directly applicable to your daily interactions with others. I've been reading “Personal Development for Smart People” by Steve Pavlina. Listen to this...

"Your experience is unquestionably your own. I can discuss your life with you, I can empathize with your situation, and I can do my best to help you. But afterward I can go home to my own life and leave yours behind. You never have that luxury.

If you try to deny or escape the burden of responsibility, it will only come back to haunt you later. You can let yourself go and slack off in your career, eat lots of junk food, and yell at your family, but the mess you create will be yours to experience. The sooner you recognize that total responsibility is inescapable, the better off you’ll be.

When you were a child, others may have assumed some responsibility for your well-being, yet you and you alone must still deal with the results. Whether you were raised by loving and attentive parents or angry alcoholics, the burden of responsibility for your life now rests squarely on your shoulders. That may seem completely unfair, especially if you didn’t have much control over your childhood experiences, but such are the vicissitudes of life.

It’s entirely pointless to blame God, your parents, the government, or anyone else for your lot in life. Blame can only make you powerless. It doesn’t matter who contributed to your current situation—all that matters is that you must live with it. No amount of blame can make that burden any easier.

No one is coming to rescue you. No one will hand you the career of your dreams, and no  one will solve your relationship problems. No one will lose the extra fat on your body. If you don’t proactively solve your own problems, they’ll never be solved.

If you want different results, you must go out and create them yourself. Accepting full responsibility for your life means being willing to do what’s necessary to create the outcome you want. You must be willing to pay the price to meet your needs and fulfill your desires. You must actively make your life happen instead of passively letting it play out. You’ll surely make mistakes along the way, but you must never give up on yourself."