On a Mission to Be an A+ Student = Persistence

I spent this weekend studying for finals. I'm not a perfectionist but I want it all, the A grades, the A looks, the A relationships. The times when I worried guys would ruin my GPA are over, though. It must be my biological clock. There was a time when I thought boys were stupid and couldn't care less to play with them, then little by little they started to get more interesting or maybe my hormones made them appear that way. I don't feel like I've changed but maybe I have. I used to be a pizza and a movie girl and now... I'm not sure. I wonder if I can go to a party next weekend, after the finals, before everybody goes away on Christmas break. Anyway... back to Organic Chemistry.

"Personal Development for Smart People" for you :) ....
"I find it incredibly inspiring to watch people struggle through one failure after another without giving up. From the outside looking in, it may seem as though they can't possibly succeed. But they still persist.

Eventually they learn what they need to learn. They successfully adapt their predictions to fit reality, and finally their actions begin producing the intended results. I don't get inspired by people who have all the external trappings of success like money and fame. I'm moved by those who I can see are destined for greatness, but no one else knows it yet. The telltale sign is always the same—persistence.

One of my favorite quotes on persistence comes from Calvin Coolidge:

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent
will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men
with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination are omnipotent."

The slogan "Press on " has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. If you're clear about what you want, settle for nothing less. Accept that success will take time, perhaps much longer than you'd like. Rid yourself of the fast and easy, something-for-nothing mind-set. Keep your head down, work hard, and know that your efforts will eventually pay off, as long as you keep learning and growing.

Thanksgiving with Carmen Electra ;)

My siblings think Jill is a pothead. Mom suspects she has mild mental issues. Dad was impressed she managed to drink almost a whole bottle of red wine by herself. No, they were not mean at all. They all tried to make her feel at home and felt really bad after hearing her family situation. She is going to visit her grandmother in Delaware for the Christmas holidays. Now that Jill and I had gotten closer, I wanted to ask her about boys, dating, when she lost her virginity, to whom, etc. but my brother and sister just wouldn't shut up the whole time with their college questions.

Today is Black Friday so technically speaking we should be shopping, but we are not. I know I'm going to buy some makeup online on Monday and have it delivered to the dorm. I'm also taking my Mom's curling iron to style my hair in the morning. I hate the idea of wasting extra 30 min of my sleep deprived time on my hair but want to look good.

Thanksgiving!

A fireplace, that's what I miss the most in the dorms. It makes every family celebration and every holiday special. I would say "cozy" but here in New York City that word describes an apartment-wannabe that's dark and tiny, and costs a lot of money.

Holidays are about the people who cherish you and places that own real estate in your heart. They are about the reign of emotions and feelings over logic and reason, about strong bonds, about forgiveness and love, about "I'll always be there for you, no matter what." On a more practical note, Thanksgiving in particular is about eating turkey sandwiches wrapped in turkey napkins every day until Christmas.

This year, I invited Jill to celebrate with us.

Do I Need To Be More Disciplined?

Jill apologized. She didn't replace the food Alex ate, but that was OK. I think it's really sweet she actually acknowledged my anger and wanted to make me feel better. She opened up and told me she didn't want to party all the time anymore, that she actually wanted a boyfriend, that she didn't want to go back home for Thanksgiving, that sometimes she wished she could be disciplined and well-behaved like me. I told her I wanted to be wild, uninhibited, and with a bunch of dates lined up for me, like her. She seems so free of that inner critic that is constantly watching and judging.

My love life is picking up a little. Mike and I held hands and kissed briefly during our study session. We were at the library, so nothing else could happen but it was exciting. Now when I strip in front of the window, I'll imagine he is watching me. JT sent me a picture of chimps eating chocolate chip cookies like the ones we had at the vegan party. I looked through his FB pictures. Vienna had tagged him in several albums. It looks like there has been something going on between them. Maybe that's why she distanced herself from me when JT and I spent so much time talking to each other at the party.

Here's more from the wonderful book "Personal Development for Smart People."


"Self-discipline is another one of those dirty words. We’re told to take it easy. Go with the flow. Don’t sweat it. The myth of fast and easy pervades modern society. This may convince you to buy a lot of junk you don’t need, but it isn’t an effective way to run your life if fulfillment and success matter to you.

Even when you’re highly motivated to work on goals that truly inspire you, there will be times where your motivation wanes, and you have to tap into your willpower to keep going. Self-discipline is the willingness to do what it takes to achieve the results you want regardless of your mood. When you’re feeling unmotivated, apathetic, bored, or lazy, self-discipline provides your second wind and keeps you moving. It’s your fail-safe, your motivational backup system.

Being highly motivated is wonderful, but the energetic boost that motivation provides is unstable; it has its peaks and valleys. Even if you absolutely love what you do, there will still be plenty of tedious and difficult tasks that you don’t enjoy much.

There are days when I wake up feeling inspired, and my work flows easily. But there are also times when I feel lazy and unmotivated. Motivation alone would not be sufficient to drive me to complete most projects. If I relied solely on motivation, you wouldn’t be reading this book because it never would have seen the light of day. Self-discipline carries me through those times when my motivation isn’t high enough to compel me to act, but the powerful being inside me says, No delays. Today we must press on. Once I get that first half hour out of the way, I almost always want to continue.

Disciplining yourself to do what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it, isn’t easy. Building your self-discipline is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It’s so difficult that some people will do almost anything to avoid it—procrastinate endlessly, do drugs, even commit suicide. But despite the difficulty, self-discipline remains one of the most significant aspects of personal development. Without it, your life is doomed to remain a pale shadow of your potential. Imagine all the wonderful accomplishments that will be within your grasp once you become disciplined enough to consistently follow through on your best intentions. It’s a wonderful feeling to set goals, knowing that you can trust yourself to do what it takes to achieve them."

How Do You Handle Annoying People?

I come home today after a final and what do I see? My Terra chips and diet Pepsi are gone and my pillow is on the floor. Jill is like, "Oh, Alex was here. I'll buy you more when I get to the store." Coming from her that means never. OK, the random guys she would bring over at least didn't sit in my bed and eat my food. It's just chips and pepsi, but if I let it go without saying anything it will be worse next time. I yelled at her, pushed her pillow on the floor and stepped on it. "Keep your pretty boy's hands off my stuff!" Was that a bit too much? I'm not sure :(

Mike and I are getting together tomorrow to study Archaeology tomorrow. I also have to find time for Vienna. I like her and don't want to be one of those girls who ditches her girlfriends whenever there is a guy around.

Funky Vegan Recipe

Cookies and cakes seem to be quite easy to prepare the vegan way. For main dishes, though, it gets rough and it gets boring. If you are not willing to put in the time and use your creativity, you can dine on Ramen noodles 3 times a day. Vienna and Jordan had "fried chicken" at the party and I found the recipe on the web. Quite interesting...


Vegan Fried Chicken

Ingredients:

    1/2 cup hot water
    1 tablespoon vegan "chicken" bouillon powder
    1/2 cup textured soy protein
    1/2 cup vegan pancake mix, dry
    salt, to taste
    pepper, to taste
    other seasonings, to taste
    2/3 cup crushed cornflakes
    oil for frying

Directions:

1. Put hot water in a bowl. Stir in bouillon powder. Soak textured soy protein in this liquid for 10 minutes. 

2. Mix just enough pancake mix in with the textured soy to make a cohesive mixture that can be formed into patties. Mix in salt, pepper, and any other seasonings you want to use. 

3. Put crushed cornflakes in a plate. Dip patties into cornflakes, covering them completely.

4. Heat some oil on medium heat in a heavy frying pan. Fry patties in oil until crispy, turning occasionally.

Serve with a creamy sauce, and  mashed or oven-fried potatoes.

Wow, I Fit Right In!

That's how I felt at the Vegan Party. Most people were funky, laid back, open-minded, interested in others, acting like what others think doesn't matter. It was hard to believe they were all around my age except for a couple of older guys in their late 20's or so.

I met a really cool guy, JT, a History major with a tongue ring. We talked about the vegan chocolate chip cookies, about Thanksgiving, about traveling the world. Whenever we mentioned dating, I tried to sound cool, like "been there done that." I think I felt like he wouldn't like me as much if I showed that guys were still a mystery to me and dating was the Land of Oz. Fortunately, the new group allowed me to be a little different than usual. There was nobody to say, "You are not acting like yourself at all. What happened to you?" Thank God, because that would've been embarrassing. That's why I didn't take Mike with me, but I should next time. I feel like we are dating in a way, even though it's not official.

Vienna barely spent any time talking to me, but I understand, she was too busy entertaining everybody. I hope that was the reason and not that she didn't think I was worth her time. I sent her a Thank you FB message, but she hasn't responded yet. Oh, well...

The Vegan Party

Vienna and Jordan are having a Vegan Party tomorrow. Vienna is a vegetarian, and Jordan is a die-hard vegan. She says it's not fair to kill animals for food when we have so many other choices like legumes and greens. I don't agree with that. If it's not OK to kill animals then why is it OK to kill plants? By that logic we'd have very limited food variety and definitely should not eat carrots, turnip, or any other roots since we have to kill the plant to eat it. Vegans do eat roots, a contradiction, don't you think?

Jordan is really beautiful, though, tall and thin with curves. She makes extra money as a model while other girls have to wait tables for some pocket change. I saw professional pictures of her. I bet most girls hate her, because she makes them feel like ugly ducklings just with her mere presence. I'm going to bring some Terra chips and fire-roasted red pepper spread. If I don't eat them by tomorrow, that is :)

Cool Stuff to Try in Manhattan

Yankee Candles - They burn so evenly and come in so many different aromas. I love Pine, Baking spices, and Cranberry.

Mixed Bouquets - Flower stores sell their flowers at a discount in the end of the day, so take advantage of it. I personally hate seeing flowers die in front of my eyes within days, so I like fake flowers. This way you have those beauties around for as long as you want them and you can always combine them differently for a fresh look.

French Macaroons - Don't worry they are a dollar a piece. You can always make them  yourself. I'll post my favorite recipe. New Yorkers know they are expensive, so bringing them to a party is like bringing Fillet Mignon to a barbecue. Your friends will get so excited.

Home grown seasonings - I grow my own basil in a pot next to the window. I love adding fresh leaves to my pasta and trust me, when you are in college you eat a lot of it.

Jewelry with Swarovski crystals - so beautiful and classy without the expense of real gold and precious stones. Even Hollywood celebrities wear them, so take advantage of the opportunity.

French and Italian Culinary Institutes - great food and great service. The students practice being chefs and waiters and seem to be really excited to do what they do. For less than $50 you get 5-course super tasty food, nice atmosphere, and something very unusual for NYC, friendly waiters. I always make sure I praise everything I like about the place in front of the personal, because I know it's important to encourage students to do their best every time.

Choosing a College Major

 So far I really like Philosophy and Psychology. My parents insist on Business or Biology/Chemistry/Pre-Med. They want me to have a job that can support my lifestyle one day. They say that I can always leave Business to become an artist but the opposite is much harder to do. Vienna is going to take an acting class next semester. I'm going to do the same. I hate the idea that I can be stuck in a monotonous routine for the rest of my life dreading going to work and wasting my life away there. I'm worried that once I end up in the wrong job, I'm not going to have the courage to change it because of the mortgage, the kids, etc.

Mike keeps texting me. I like the outcome of my bravery. It definitely paid off ;)

“Secondary gain is a common problem that occurs when you temporarily benefit (gain) by embracing falsehood. For example, you may tell a lie at work in order to avoid being fired, you may deny your relationship problems in order to preserve the peace, or you may eat unhealthy food for the sake of convenience.

Distancing yourself from the truth is never a wise long-term decision. It stems from a lack of acceptance of your own predictions and a refusal to deal with them openly and honestly. When you look behind secondary gain, you’ll invariably find a deeper falsehood you’ve been fiercely denying. Your refusal to deal with that lie perpetuates an ongoing downward spiral. Apparent short-term benefits replace true advancement, drawing you ever deeper into a life of repression and denial. The more you succumb to the lure of secondary gain, the phonier you become as a human being.

For example, suppose you work in a job that you intuitively feel is wrong for you; you know it’s a dead end. When you look ahead, you see nothing but a soulless void. You just can’t bring yourself to accept the truth of your situation, so instead you live in denial, pretending that everything will somehow turn out okay. Instead of facing the truth, you search for other ways to fill the emptiness, and eventually you’re seduced by the substitute of secondary gain. Instead of your true purpose, you pursue money, recognition, or comfort.

Instead of genuine growth, you settle for climbing the corporate ladder. Instead of abiding friendship and human intimacy, you settle for a sea of casual contacts, none of whom know, accept, and love the real you. Instead of worthwhile challenges, you settle for the illusion of security.

The pursuit of secondary gain leads to persistent dissatisfaction, emptiness, and unhappiness. It’s a temporary drug that can never fulfill you. If you find yourself caught up in this addictive cycle, take the time for some deep introspection. Even if you aren’t ready to deal with the long-term consequences yet, at least admit the truth to yourself. Don’t waste your life defending a string of false accomplishments.”

I want to do something bad girls do...

... while Jill is out partying tonight. I'm getting better at showing off my body. I'll try undressing again but this time I'll go a bit further...

Like going around the apartment completely naked, with the lights on, and the blinds rolled up. High heels make my legs look awesome. When my hair is down my boobs look cuter.  Peach scented dry oil gives my skin a sexy glow. I should lose ten pounds, but tonight that doesn't matter. I'm not doing this for the anorexic models, nor for the gay euro designers, nor for all those guys out there who say they like you but want to change you right away. I'm doing this for me, for my own confidence, for my own freedom.

Dress Up As Ivanka Trump!

Maybe I should acquaint you with some of my friends. For now, with Jill's love obsession, Alex, a handsome guy, not my type really. I think the only reason Jill is obsessed with him is because she hasn't slept with him yet. I saw them kissing at the Halloween party of the theater department, so I don't know what's going on. Mike says Alex is a player and he sees him with a different girl all the time. Anyway...

I met a girl with a similar name to mine, Vienna. It's not common to find somebody named after a European capital,  but it's so cool. Vienna's roommate, Jordan, was dressed as Eve. I went to her and told her how awesome she looked. She said, "I feel naked. And I wish guys would stop staring at my boobs." I wish I had her problems :)

Here comes the interesting part. Mike was sitting with a bunch of other people drinking rum. That's what pirates drink and since he was dressed as a sloppy pirate shopping at Abercrombie, he had to drink rum too. I didn't have to act like myself either. Dressed as a dark angel, hanging out with people dressed as something other than themselves, and having the excuse of "I don't remember. I was too drunk." allowed me to do whatever I wanted and get away with it. Mike sat on the floor in a somewhat dark spot of the room. I sat next to him and said, "Let's kiss." Then before he had time to answer I kissed him. I don't even remember what it felt like. I was just so proud of myself for having the guts to take the initiative. You can say I was dressed up as Ivanka Trump simply because I owned the party :)

I want to do more things that challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone. I love the adrenaline rush.