Lying and Cheating

I've had such a huge problem with lying, because I'd been taught my whole life to be completely honest. Now that I'm getting into the world and observing what is going on, I have to say, people lie a lot, all the time, and even good people often spare you the truth. In our culture, telling the truth at all times is considered rude. You are supposed to "modify" the truth, which is practically lying. The ability to lie must be some critical evolutionary mechanism to fit in society, because it is so wildly popular. One day when I have kids, I'll have to decide whether it's a good idea to teach them that lying is bad, because they will encounter is all the time anyway and will just be at a competitive disadvantage with all the people who were born and raised liars.

Apparently, JT is back with Vienna. I don't know when he was going to tell me. Seriously, Vienna is my friend, you thought I wasn't going to find out? What's wrong with you?

Now I want you to look at those same numbers from a different perspective. Take every rating that isn’t a 9 or 10, cross it off, and replace it with a 1. So now each of them must be a 1, 9, or 10.
You see, if you can’t rate a given area of your life a 9 or 10, then obviously you don’t have what you really want in that area. This can be especially hard to admit when you think you have a 7. A 7 looks pretty good at first glance, but the true 9s and 10s are way beyond 7s. The 10s are so far out there that you probably can’t even see them from the position of a 7.

A 7 is what you get when you allow too much falsehood and denial to creep into your life. It’s a phony rating to begin with, a 1 in disguise. Either you have what you want, or you don’t. A 6, 7, or 8 is the answer you give when you know you don’t have what you want, but you aren’t ready to face up to it yet.

I know this sounds unreasonably harsh, but based on my own experience as well as what I’ve observed in others, people commonly rate some part of their lives a 7 (or thereabouts) when they’ve disconnected themselves from the truth. A 7 is a job instead of a purpose driven career. A 7 is a comfortable living arrangement instead of a deeply fulfilling relationship. A 7 is an income that covers your basic expenses instead of providing true abundance. When you rate any part of your life as a 7, you’re really saying: “This isn’t what I want, but I’m not sure I can do better, so I’ll pretend it’s good enough. It could be worse.” However, the truth is that if you aren’t experiencing what you want, you’re already in the worst possible situation.

Perceptual Distortion in Love

My roommate is back to her crazy self. Whatever happened to the sweet and lonely girl from the end of last semester is a mystery to me. Jill is back to drinking, partying, and sleeping around and we've only been here for a couple of weeks. Apparently, she is still obsessing about Alex because she woke me up one night and said, "I had a dream you and Alex hooked up. How could you do this to me?" "You woke me up at 3:20 am to tell me about your psycho dreams? Am I supposed to apologize, because you are a nut case? " I really wasn't happy she woke me up. I've had a bit too much for such a short time of being here after Christmas break. JT and I met for lunch and he took my hand in his while we were talking. So confusing when I'm trying to figure out if Mike and I are right for each other. To make the matters more complicated, there is that really hot guy in my Theater class, Luis. He is like... too hot, hot in an intimidating kind of way, hot as in "don't touch the stove" kind of way. When I sit close to him, I feel energy between us... so weird... I wonder if he feels the same.


"Research on how people react to belief-contradicting information abounds in the psychological literature, and there are certain response patterns that tend to show up, when our beliefs are being challenged:

    * We look for flaws in the new information,
    * seek information that bolsters our original attitude,
    * garner for social validation of our original attitude,
    * begin derogating the source of the message,
    * show signs of anger and discomfort, avoid the new message altogether,
    * or simply assert our confidence in the initial belief more adamantly.

Although typical responses to belief challenging information have been shown for various groups of beliefs and for different sources of information, there is an understanding that people select from available resistance strategies based on how important the issue is to them. The closer the issue is to your heart, the more resistance you put up. It also matters how knowledgeable you are about the issue in general and how socially desirable the resistance strategy is. If you're an environmentalist and Sarah Palin provides you with information on why drilling in the Gulf of Mexico is a good idea you might choose "derogating the source" and dismiss her as an idiot (as that may be generally socially desirable among your social peer group), but if Barack Obama informs you about the benefits of offshore drilling you might opt for politely "looking for flaws in the new information."

The above listed mechanisms don't really work that well when it comes to information that is provided through scientific research. It is also not that easy to counter-argue scientific evidence or to point out a study's methodological flaws, because as laypeople really we often don't understand the methods well enough. Even if we do, more often than not, we are presented the sexed up "evidence" without the methods that produced them.

So what do people do? Lie down, roll over and accept that science has proven their stereotypes to be wrong? Unlikely, so here's how we chose to lie to ourselves:

The resistance strategy to belief-contradicting scientific evidence might just be to claim scientific impotence; the inability of science to address the area of knowledge being challenged.

In many ways scientific impotence - or rather people's strategy of claiming scientific impotence when information contradicts their world views - is the most important reason why scientific evidence often remains ineffective in changing people's understanding of the world around them. Science can tell you about the evolution of life on earth, but you don't want to hear it. And science can inform you on a whole range of moral topics, but this is also something many people don't want to hear. We are selective in what we choose to believe." - Psychology Today

Fraternity Initiation Rites - Hazing

Why do guys take pride in being able to drink a lot without getting drunk? When otherwise intelligent people start looking down on each other based on alcohol tolerance, I just have to laugh. I have a feeling it has something to do with our need for significance. Some people would just use anything, no matter how retarded it is, as an arbitrary criterion to feel superior to others. My college overall has highly intelligent guys who use their brains and think, but I've heard horror stories about other places. Why is it so important to treat others with utter disrespect and build up your ego through control and humiliation? It's scary that all the frat boys look so decent and normal and yet, I have to wonder if they were in one of those hazing-prone fraternities, would they be just as bad. Here are some stories...

"You make the pledges do a work call (or a extended period of house work, for people unfamiliar), one that starts at about 10 or midnight. So you have them clean the house, scrub the floors with toothbrushes, etc etc, everything but the bathrooms. Then you call them all together at about 5am, tell them they've done a good job, and explain to them you're buying breakfast. They'll be relieved and excited about this, they probably think you're proud of them and that the work is over, plus they are probably hungry. Get all the food ready or whatnot, show it to them, and tell them they get to eat in 30 minutes when the bathrooms are spotless. Finally, about 5 minutes before their time is up, tell them to clean faster and better, seeing as their gonna be eating their mcdonalds breakfast off the floor behind the toilet they're currently cleaning. Then you make them do it, of course."


"They bragged about one of their chapter traditions they thought was really funny in addition to being useful in disciplining the pledge class.
"Every rush we make a point of pledging one marginal guy who shouldn't be here," they said. "He's the sacrifice, the example. At some point usually around the end of the semester we'll blackball him and scare hell out of the pledges. It really shapes them up."

"Pledges strip down to their boxers and sit indian style against a wall. Then an industrial-size fan is brought in and turned on. Brothers tear up pieces of insulation and run it through the back of the fan. Fiberglass in skin. Its a story i heard....dont know if its actually true but the source was very trustworthy and that certain chapter had a "hardcore" reputation."

Here's what some people have learned while trying to deal with hazing...

*don’t be afraid to get advice
*Stick to your commitments. People will respect you. 
*Value your friends and pick them carefully.
*Trust and confide in your parents, mine were great.
*Don't get yourself into things you don't want to go through with.
*Make the best of bad situations. 
*Finally, you can survive almost anything .

Budget Fashionista

My Mom and I went shopping at an outlet mall this weekend. She usually takes my siblings too but this time it was only the two of us. Before we left, I had made a booklet with outfits I liked from Gossip Girl and celebrity photos. It is so cool that the fashion this year is so feminine, I love it. I picked most of my new clothes at Neiman Marcus and Off Sachs. We never shop at these stores, even at outlet prices, because they are still expensive. My Mom buys certain pieces from there for herself but only once or twice a year. I'd always been a Gap, Nine West, H&M kind of girl. Out of everything I bought, I'm particularly in love with a 1920's looking Betsey Johnson lacy dress and black Stuart Weitzman stilettos with a tiny bow. My Mom advised me to think of whole outfits instead of just pieces that I had nothing to combine with, so I bought black stockings with ornaments on them and a party ring with a big flower on it. I've never had clothing that makes me feel so sexy and grown up. I'm afraid to get it wrinkled or dirty, because it's so special to me. I feel like my Mom has noticed I've been venturing more into the world and have become more independent, and this is her way to encourage it.

I think clothes show belonging to a group. People of different ethnicities, professions, and socio-economic classes dress differently. Also people often start to dress like the groups they want to belong to (think suits and designer clothing). I still have an issue referring to myself as a woman instead of a girl but now I have the clothes real women wear. I am a woman and proud of it.

Sex and The City and the real NYC

NYC is unlike any other place I've ever been to, and I say that in both positive and negative way. Glamor, wealth, fashion, elegance, ambition, and achievement vs. arrogance, crime, abuse, back stabbing, narcissism, and the rein of style over substance... that's New York City for you.

Sex and The City presents New Yorkers as rich and elegant, with plenty of free time to pursue their interests. That is rather far from reality. Many people here are overachievers with relatively high incomes but very little free time to enjoy themselves. If you are interested in work-life balance, this is not the place for you. If you like making money to show off in front of people you may not even know or care about, you will go far in this city and will fit right in.

Getting an apartment here will bring you to the tiniest and darkest of places with a high price monthly rent attached to it. You will also be tempted to hate those who've been renting for decades the so-called rent stabilized apartments and pay 1/10 of what you would be paying if you tried to rent the same place now. Apparently, not so long ago NYC was not a desirable residential option, so the government gave people incentives to move here by setting limits on how much the rent could go up every year and making it really hard for the landlord to evict you.

...and as you all know I live in a dorm. It was really close for me to live at home like in high school, but my parents were so proud of me for making it into a great college that for once were ready to indulge me. There are many rich kids around here and then, there are the rest of us trying to keep up with housing, fashion trends, and trendy places on a lower budget and often working and studying at the same time. Life would be so much easier if none of us had to ever worry about money again. :)

High Like a Rock Star

NYE was a disaster. Not for anybody else, only for me. Fortunately, I only knew two people at the party. Unfortunately, they were Alex and Vienna. I had no idea they were friends so oh, well... surprise!  The party was at the roof of Alex's apartment building. They must've been so embarrassed by me. I don't even know if I should contact them on FB or text them. There is no way I'm calling them, but I'm open to suggestions on what to do. Here's the story and my opinion on what happened...

The reason why alcohol is more fun is because you lose the ability to differentiate right and wrong. Weed sucks! You realize everything that's going on, you know it's wrong, you know you look silly but cannot help it.

I got so high, it felt like I was going from one dimension to another. It felt like as soon as I had a thought I would move to a different reality where the thought would be playing out in front of me in slow motion. I couldn't feel parts of my body, like I would lick my lips and couldn't feel them. I was so vulnerable and scared, like a little girl lost in a mall. I was having hallucinations, visual and auditory, but not kinesthetic.  I found out that if I reached for something and couldn't touch it, I was hallucinating. The only way for me to recognize reality was through my sense of touch, and the only way to stay in the present moment was by moving my feet and feeling the ground underneath. People love smoking weed, so I don't know why it turned into such a horrible experience for me.

The noises around me were distorted. I would see people talking and hear gargling noise coming out of their mouths. I started walking just to stay in the moment and walked into a bathroom. I felt so sorry for the person looking at me from the mirror, my pale skin and smeared eyeliner made me look like a ghost. God had given me a healthy body and this is how I was showing my gratitude, by abusing it and intoxicating it? I felt so pathetic I wanted to cry but only for a moment, then the realities changed again. I was vulnerable, out of control, among people I didn't even know, in a place I had never been to. I was all by myself, alone and lonely. Where did Vienna go? I asked Vienna to hold my hand and not let go until I was home and safe. Where was she? Did anybody care for me? I tried to drink water to speed up the detox process but noticed no difference.

I walked out of the bathroom, and there was Vienna, some other people, and Alex. I grabbed Alex's hand and said, "Please, don't let go of my hand. No matter what. Take me away from these people and please, don't let go of me." After what seemed like an eternity, we were sitting on a bed. "You are fine now. You can let go of my hand." "No, please don't let go of me." He turned off the light and we crashed on the bed holding hands like children. I remember opening my eyes in a light room hearing Alex's voice but when I tried to squeeze his hand, I couldn't feel it. I was hallucinating. Then I would open my eyes and I was in a dark room with Alex sleeping next to me. I could feel his hand under mine and would feel an overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude.

Finally, I woke up in the morning and felt like myself again. Alex and I were spooning. Mr. Pretty Boy was a gentleman and a true friend, no doubt about it.