Maybe I should update you on my stripping experience ;) It took literally 3 min and only because I was wearing pants, and they take longer to take off. I didn't dare to remove my underwear out of fear somebody might see me or my roommate may walk in with a new guy she'd picked up. She does that often. It used to shock me in the beginning but now it's almost normal for me to see a random guy with her every week. I bet she is an expert in bed.
My love life is not nearly as exciting. There is that guy, Mike, who seems to like me. I can't figure out if I should do something about it or if I should wait for him to approach me. Waiting for him is safer, if things don't work out I can say I never really meant to be with him anyway, it just "kind of happened." But the future belongs to the bold. The sooner I learn to take pre-calculated risk and handle rejection well the better.
I'm going to dress up as a dark angel tonight, with a red dress, fishnets, high heels, and black wings. I even bought a Victoria's Secret push up bra for tonight's party.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Dress Up As Katy Perry!
I'm trying to decide on a Halloween costume. I'd like to wear something revealing. I want guys to notice me more, even to say something inappropriate because they think I'm so irresistible. I love the way Katy Perry dresses, like a doll. How about dressing up like Eve? The spandex would cover my whole body completely. I can let my hair down and put high heels on then enter the room, a grand entrance like in the movies, and all eyes will fall on me. Yeah, right... People don't think I'm shy but I am. I wish I could get over that. They say the best way to overcome your fears is to face them. Do you have any ideas? I do...
Right now I'm going to undress completely in front of the window with the lights on in the room. If somebody says something, I'd pretend I'd had no intentions of flashing people, just in a rush to change my clothes before going out. Hmm, I wonder how that would go. Here's something from Steve Pavlina's book for you to read while I'm undressing. I better hurry up before I change my mind.
"Timidity is the mind-set that says you’re too weak, too small, and too unimportant to be deserving of real power. Who are you to live a meaningful life? You’re just one insignificant person among billions.
This belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In reality, you’re so powerful that you’re actually turning your own strength against yourself, temporarily rendering yourself weak. You’re like a god who declares, “Let me be powerless.” And that’s exactly what happens.
Timidity causes you to settle for puny, empty goals that don’t inspire you—assuming you even set goals at all. You perform meaningless work that doesn’t matter to you, live in a place you don’t care for, and settle for disempowering relationships with other weak-minded people who regard you as another warm body for their pity parties. Meanwhile, your true self is practically screaming at you, but you drown its voice with idle entertainment, junk food, and other distractions.
You weren’t meant to live hiding under a rock. That isn’t you. You’re selling yourself short, grossly underestimating your true capabilities. This is your reality, and you’re responsible for it. Stop trying to live in denial of that fact, and face up to it. You didn’t come here to spend your life obsessing over trivialities. Wake up and take a good look at yourself and admit, “This is garbage. I can do better than this!” Start listening to that powerful being inside you for once. It won’t steer you wrong."
Right now I'm going to undress completely in front of the window with the lights on in the room. If somebody says something, I'd pretend I'd had no intentions of flashing people, just in a rush to change my clothes before going out. Hmm, I wonder how that would go. Here's something from Steve Pavlina's book for you to read while I'm undressing. I better hurry up before I change my mind.
"Timidity is the mind-set that says you’re too weak, too small, and too unimportant to be deserving of real power. Who are you to live a meaningful life? You’re just one insignificant person among billions.
This belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In reality, you’re so powerful that you’re actually turning your own strength against yourself, temporarily rendering yourself weak. You’re like a god who declares, “Let me be powerless.” And that’s exactly what happens.
Timidity causes you to settle for puny, empty goals that don’t inspire you—assuming you even set goals at all. You perform meaningless work that doesn’t matter to you, live in a place you don’t care for, and settle for disempowering relationships with other weak-minded people who regard you as another warm body for their pity parties. Meanwhile, your true self is practically screaming at you, but you drown its voice with idle entertainment, junk food, and other distractions.
You weren’t meant to live hiding under a rock. That isn’t you. You’re selling yourself short, grossly underestimating your true capabilities. This is your reality, and you’re responsible for it. Stop trying to live in denial of that fact, and face up to it. You didn’t come here to spend your life obsessing over trivialities. Wake up and take a good look at yourself and admit, “This is garbage. I can do better than this!” Start listening to that powerful being inside you for once. It won’t steer you wrong."
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I feel like I live with Carmen Electra
My rommate's parties intimidate me. I'm half European, so I got drunk for the first time at 15. Been there done that. I admit drunk people freak me out, though, and I hate losing control. Jill has no problem being out-of-it. Once I caught her changing the sheets of her bed at 6 am, because she had thrown up in it after going to bed wasted. She is proud she has tried every popular drug. We have... how should I call it... a value conflict here. My parents repeated to me over and over again when I was little that people who do drugs are "no good."
I asked my roommate what her parents had told her on the subject and it turned out she practically had no parents. Her grandmother raised her. Her dad abandoned her when she was 2 and her mom was never home working in Las Vegas and L.A. to make money. I feel bad for Jill. In my Mom's country, it's perfectly normal for the grandparents to be very hands-on with the grandkids, but to have a father who's abandoned you is almost unheard of. What kind of jerk abandons his own flesh and blood, his God given purpose in life? I hope Jill spits in his face if she ever sees him again. I think my parents were a bit extreme in their judgment to scare me and keep me away from drugs. It's amazing that Jill's grandmother and somewhat her mother raised her alone and made sure she went to such a great college like ours. Despite her wild side, Jill's probably really smart. I had to live with her after my ex future roommate decided to live off campus right before it was time to figure out housing.
Halloween is coming up. What should I dress up as?
I asked my roommate what her parents had told her on the subject and it turned out she practically had no parents. Her grandmother raised her. Her dad abandoned her when she was 2 and her mom was never home working in Las Vegas and L.A. to make money. I feel bad for Jill. In my Mom's country, it's perfectly normal for the grandparents to be very hands-on with the grandkids, but to have a father who's abandoned you is almost unheard of. What kind of jerk abandons his own flesh and blood, his God given purpose in life? I hope Jill spits in his face if she ever sees him again. I think my parents were a bit extreme in their judgment to scare me and keep me away from drugs. It's amazing that Jill's grandmother and somewhat her mother raised her alone and made sure she went to such a great college like ours. Despite her wild side, Jill's probably really smart. I had to live with her after my ex future roommate decided to live off campus right before it was time to figure out housing.
Halloween is coming up. What should I dress up as?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Irresponsible and Bratty like Paris Hilton
My name is Paris. I'm just a college student from a normal New York City family, not rich or poor but like they call us on TV, "middle class." I'm not irresponsible or bratty. Not most of the time anyway and honestly, I don't think Paris Hilton is irresponsible and bratty either. She is ambitious, she works, and she has made quite a name for herself without being involved in acting, modeling, or music. Quite an achievement!
Anyway, I've been reading a lot lately and have been thinking a lot about life, friendships, and careers. Maybe it's just time pressure to pick a major and make sure I meet all the prerequisites before my junior year here. Maybe I just want to share my experience with others and spare them the drama of going through everything alone. I like philosophy a lot. Actually, I find it fascinating. Psychology is more practical, though, and directly applicable to your daily interactions with others. I've been reading “Personal Development for Smart People” by Steve Pavlina. Listen to this...
"Your experience is unquestionably your own. I can discuss your life with you, I can empathize with your situation, and I can do my best to help you. But afterward I can go home to my own life and leave yours behind. You never have that luxury.
If you try to deny or escape the burden of responsibility, it will only come back to haunt you later. You can let yourself go and slack off in your career, eat lots of junk food, and yell at your family, but the mess you create will be yours to experience. The sooner you recognize that total responsibility is inescapable, the better off you’ll be.
When you were a child, others may have assumed some responsibility for your well-being, yet you and you alone must still deal with the results. Whether you were raised by loving and attentive parents or angry alcoholics, the burden of responsibility for your life now rests squarely on your shoulders. That may seem completely unfair, especially if you didn’t have much control over your childhood experiences, but such are the vicissitudes of life.
It’s entirely pointless to blame God, your parents, the government, or anyone else for your lot in life. Blame can only make you powerless. It doesn’t matter who contributed to your current situation—all that matters is that you must live with it. No amount of blame can make that burden any easier.
No one is coming to rescue you. No one will hand you the career of your dreams, and no one will solve your relationship problems. No one will lose the extra fat on your body. If you don’t proactively solve your own problems, they’ll never be solved.
If you want different results, you must go out and create them yourself. Accepting full responsibility for your life means being willing to do what’s necessary to create the outcome you want. You must be willing to pay the price to meet your needs and fulfill your desires. You must actively make your life happen instead of passively letting it play out. You’ll surely make mistakes along the way, but you must never give up on yourself."
Anyway, I've been reading a lot lately and have been thinking a lot about life, friendships, and careers. Maybe it's just time pressure to pick a major and make sure I meet all the prerequisites before my junior year here. Maybe I just want to share my experience with others and spare them the drama of going through everything alone. I like philosophy a lot. Actually, I find it fascinating. Psychology is more practical, though, and directly applicable to your daily interactions with others. I've been reading “Personal Development for Smart People” by Steve Pavlina. Listen to this...
"Your experience is unquestionably your own. I can discuss your life with you, I can empathize with your situation, and I can do my best to help you. But afterward I can go home to my own life and leave yours behind. You never have that luxury.
If you try to deny or escape the burden of responsibility, it will only come back to haunt you later. You can let yourself go and slack off in your career, eat lots of junk food, and yell at your family, but the mess you create will be yours to experience. The sooner you recognize that total responsibility is inescapable, the better off you’ll be.
When you were a child, others may have assumed some responsibility for your well-being, yet you and you alone must still deal with the results. Whether you were raised by loving and attentive parents or angry alcoholics, the burden of responsibility for your life now rests squarely on your shoulders. That may seem completely unfair, especially if you didn’t have much control over your childhood experiences, but such are the vicissitudes of life.
It’s entirely pointless to blame God, your parents, the government, or anyone else for your lot in life. Blame can only make you powerless. It doesn’t matter who contributed to your current situation—all that matters is that you must live with it. No amount of blame can make that burden any easier.
No one is coming to rescue you. No one will hand you the career of your dreams, and no one will solve your relationship problems. No one will lose the extra fat on your body. If you don’t proactively solve your own problems, they’ll never be solved.
If you want different results, you must go out and create them yourself. Accepting full responsibility for your life means being willing to do what’s necessary to create the outcome you want. You must be willing to pay the price to meet your needs and fulfill your desires. You must actively make your life happen instead of passively letting it play out. You’ll surely make mistakes along the way, but you must never give up on yourself."
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