I bet you can't! Fine, I'll give you a clue. It's a girl, and I've talked about her on my blog.
The kiss felt very natural, like with guys. One difference... there was no sensation of beard on my skin. Her skin felt really soft and plump. She was wearing a strange yet appealing perfume, Angel. Now I can forever associate it with kissing a girl. Jill says two girls kissing is no big deal anymore. Now two guys kissing is what brings the scandalous into movies and music videos. It is a big deal to me, though, especially since it happened before I've even lost my virginity. I'd do it again but first I'll tell you who the girl was... in my next post.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
My Theater Class and Uta Hagen's Notes
I found an excuse to get in touch with Luis outside of our theater class. Uta Hagen's notes and videos. In case you don't know, she was a really famous acting coach. Acting is useful. The best class I've had so far. It teaches you so much about human nature by making observe people and explain what you see in them. It liberates you by making it OK to look stupid in front of others and to get in touch with parts of your personality that you really want to believe don't even exist.
Imagine you like to think of yourself as an ambitious person, noble, open-minded, generous, a winner. Your character is a mean-spirited cheap loser and overall the last person you'd ever want to be. To be a realistic actor, you need to create a bridge between yourself and your character. You need to find the mean-spirited cheap loser in you and channel him/her out when deep down all you want to do is show people you are 180 degrees different from your character. It takes a lot of inner strength to face your hangups and get over them in order to be a great actor with a wide range of characters in your professional arsenal.
I had to fall on my knees and pray for my child's life in front of everybody. That was embarrassing and I felt very vulnerable and uncomfortable showing so much emotion in front of the whole class and the professor. It was not just a light little prayer. It was the sobbing, begging, tragic kind. I was worried they would laugh at me and think this was what I did in my everyday life if I was too realistic on stage. All I wanted to do was tell everybody I was just pretending. The professor stopped me in the very beginning for being too unrealistic. I had to do it again and after all, it was just acting. It was part of the class. It's what would get me an A. My legs were shaking. I pretended there was a wall between me and the class, that it was OK to be laughed at, that it was acceptable to be that vulnerable. I imagined I was praying to God to save my brother's life. That was enough to fill me up with emotion and make me get over my inhibitions. I also reminded myself not to turn my back at the audience and to make bigger gestures, not hold it to myself like I may normally do.
Uta Hagen's Notes: The Acting Craft
1. Suspension of Disbelief
2. Teach student 2-3 small things at a time so you don’t overwhelm them.
3. When you don’t realize someone’s acting then they’re doing it right
4. Begin w/self evaluation. Your 3rd eye is watching.
5. Use a psychological substitute as a tool.
6. Emotion takes us, we don’t take it.
7. Allow nothingness to breathe, to exist
8. Observer your environment. People don’t just stand around and do nothing, they look, scratch,
look at their watch to check the time.
9. Don’t avoid comedic snips in times of drama, these things happen.
Uta Hagen's Notes: Doing
1. People always have a destination, when moving & if someone looks uncomfortable, they don’t have a sense of where they’re going. If you don’t know where your going or what you’re doing, you get very tense. If you DO know where you’re going, you become relaxed and free. People are always DOING something (ie. adjusting their belt.) Where is the body? Where is your reality? Is it staged? 3 Steps: What was I just doing? What am I doig now? What do I want? …and go for it. Start w/rehearsal of doings, of actions People don’t pace, walking back and forth is unnatural.
2. We have very little experience watching ourselves.
3. We are FULL human beings, there are parts of us we don't like. No cliches, portray the full human being.
4. If 2 characters in the scene want the same thing then it will be flat. What is the main conflict in the scene? what is the subtext?
Uta Hagen's Notes: Behavior
1. Let things go in a direction so people can see for themselves how wrong they are.
2. Bored on stage staring at his hands, not paying attention stands out like a sore thumb.
3. You MUST immerse yourself into the character, fully. You must become the character so while you are playing the role there is no division between you and the character. There is only the character.
4. Start w/your body, not thought. Where there is action, there is behavior.
5. Practice specific behavior, character behavior and natural behavior
6. Be part of your surroundings, look around, notice people, watch, cell phone, you hear noises.
7. React to what you see and hear. What is in the script cannot be seen or heard. These are up to the actor to react to naturally.
Uta Hagen's Notes:
1. When an activity (ie. folding pants) becomes more important than the emotion/subject matter, you've lost the scene.
2. Substitution defines behavior. In substitution, you hold the relationship you have w/the person, then transfer that inner feeling/emotion onto someone else. You don't directly see that person as the person you've imagined.
3. Physical confrontation should be rehearsed so it doesn't look rehearsed. When people look to out of control the viewer becomes aware of "acting"
4. Timing - Don't deliver on tempo, receive before you send back.
Imagine you like to think of yourself as an ambitious person, noble, open-minded, generous, a winner. Your character is a mean-spirited cheap loser and overall the last person you'd ever want to be. To be a realistic actor, you need to create a bridge between yourself and your character. You need to find the mean-spirited cheap loser in you and channel him/her out when deep down all you want to do is show people you are 180 degrees different from your character. It takes a lot of inner strength to face your hangups and get over them in order to be a great actor with a wide range of characters in your professional arsenal.
I had to fall on my knees and pray for my child's life in front of everybody. That was embarrassing and I felt very vulnerable and uncomfortable showing so much emotion in front of the whole class and the professor. It was not just a light little prayer. It was the sobbing, begging, tragic kind. I was worried they would laugh at me and think this was what I did in my everyday life if I was too realistic on stage. All I wanted to do was tell everybody I was just pretending. The professor stopped me in the very beginning for being too unrealistic. I had to do it again and after all, it was just acting. It was part of the class. It's what would get me an A. My legs were shaking. I pretended there was a wall between me and the class, that it was OK to be laughed at, that it was acceptable to be that vulnerable. I imagined I was praying to God to save my brother's life. That was enough to fill me up with emotion and make me get over my inhibitions. I also reminded myself not to turn my back at the audience and to make bigger gestures, not hold it to myself like I may normally do.
Uta Hagen's Notes: The Acting Craft
1. Suspension of Disbelief
2. Teach student 2-3 small things at a time so you don’t overwhelm them.
3. When you don’t realize someone’s acting then they’re doing it right
4. Begin w/self evaluation. Your 3rd eye is watching.
5. Use a psychological substitute as a tool.
6. Emotion takes us, we don’t take it.
7. Allow nothingness to breathe, to exist
8. Observer your environment. People don’t just stand around and do nothing, they look, scratch,
look at their watch to check the time.
9. Don’t avoid comedic snips in times of drama, these things happen.
Uta Hagen's Notes: Doing
1. People always have a destination, when moving & if someone looks uncomfortable, they don’t have a sense of where they’re going. If you don’t know where your going or what you’re doing, you get very tense. If you DO know where you’re going, you become relaxed and free. People are always DOING something (ie. adjusting their belt.) Where is the body? Where is your reality? Is it staged? 3 Steps: What was I just doing? What am I doig now? What do I want? …and go for it. Start w/rehearsal of doings, of actions People don’t pace, walking back and forth is unnatural.
2. We have very little experience watching ourselves.
3. We are FULL human beings, there are parts of us we don't like. No cliches, portray the full human being.
4. If 2 characters in the scene want the same thing then it will be flat. What is the main conflict in the scene? what is the subtext?
Uta Hagen's Notes: Behavior
1. Let things go in a direction so people can see for themselves how wrong they are.
2. Bored on stage staring at his hands, not paying attention stands out like a sore thumb.
3. You MUST immerse yourself into the character, fully. You must become the character so while you are playing the role there is no division between you and the character. There is only the character.
4. Start w/your body, not thought. Where there is action, there is behavior.
5. Practice specific behavior, character behavior and natural behavior
6. Be part of your surroundings, look around, notice people, watch, cell phone, you hear noises.
7. React to what you see and hear. What is in the script cannot be seen or heard. These are up to the actor to react to naturally.
Uta Hagen's Notes:
1. When an activity (ie. folding pants) becomes more important than the emotion/subject matter, you've lost the scene.
2. Substitution defines behavior. In substitution, you hold the relationship you have w/the person, then transfer that inner feeling/emotion onto someone else. You don't directly see that person as the person you've imagined.
3. Physical confrontation should be rehearsed so it doesn't look rehearsed. When people look to out of control the viewer becomes aware of "acting"
4. Timing - Don't deliver on tempo, receive before you send back.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Valentine's Day Update
I made out with Mike. On the positive side, it helped with my bruised self-esteem. At the same time, I realized I couldn't care less about having sex with him. I feel like I should come clean and let him know how I feel. It honestly scares me to lose him, because that would mean that nobody is into me, nobody wants me, nobody finds me attractive. At the party yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking if it's possible to sustain a relationship without sex.
I saw Alex with some very pretty girl. They were both so beautiful. I thought that if those two genetically blessed people ever had kids, they'd be gorgeous. Jill seemed awfully calm without Alex on Valentine's Day, so I had to ask what their deal was. Apparently, Alex's beauty was his twin sister, Chloe. She had just transferred from another college, so Alex wanted to take the time and introduce her to people. Haha, no genetically blessed babies there. Alex is pretty hot. If it weren't for Jill's crush on him, I'd totally go out with him.
My parents sent me flowers on the 14th and my own order got here on the 15th. I acted like they were both from guys. Jill looked really surprised and one of the guys from the dorm mentioned that I was so popular, he had no chance with me. I quickly corrected him and said I wasn't in love with neither of the guys who'd sent me flowers. He didn't follow up, though. Maybe I should find him on FB to establish contact. Jill said she'd find out his name. I don't know how long that's going to take. I'm thinking about searching through my friends' friends to see if his picture pops up.
I saw Alex with some very pretty girl. They were both so beautiful. I thought that if those two genetically blessed people ever had kids, they'd be gorgeous. Jill seemed awfully calm without Alex on Valentine's Day, so I had to ask what their deal was. Apparently, Alex's beauty was his twin sister, Chloe. She had just transferred from another college, so Alex wanted to take the time and introduce her to people. Haha, no genetically blessed babies there. Alex is pretty hot. If it weren't for Jill's crush on him, I'd totally go out with him.
My parents sent me flowers on the 14th and my own order got here on the 15th. I acted like they were both from guys. Jill looked really surprised and one of the guys from the dorm mentioned that I was so popular, he had no chance with me. I quickly corrected him and said I wasn't in love with neither of the guys who'd sent me flowers. He didn't follow up, though. Maybe I should find him on FB to establish contact. Jill said she'd find out his name. I don't know how long that's going to take. I'm thinking about searching through my friends' friends to see if his picture pops up.
Monday, February 14, 2011
I Hate Valentine's Day
Nobody asked me out but Mike. I've been checking my email every 5 min for any date related emails but no. Luis's profile says nothing about his plans. Jill and Alex are going to a huge party on campus and I'm seriously considering joining them with my safety net, Mike. I hate to think of him that way. I feel like he is my last resort and salvation from the "nobody wants me" thoughts. Without him I'd feel so unattractive today. I hate this holiday. Who needs it anyway? I'm taking Vienna and Jordan with us. I'll act like being single is cool and I really don't care about dating anyone. Who is JT with anyway? He probably still hates me for standing him up.
I'm going to do something crazy. I'm going to send myself flowers... maybe red roses since they symbolize love and passion. Wow, they say flowers are overpriced today and it sure looks like it. If I order them for tomorrow morning, though, they are half the current price. Oh, well, so be it! Just hope everybody sees them delivered to the dorm and nobody figures out who ordered them.
I'm going to do something crazy. I'm going to send myself flowers... maybe red roses since they symbolize love and passion. Wow, they say flowers are overpriced today and it sure looks like it. If I order them for tomorrow morning, though, they are half the current price. Oh, well, so be it! Just hope everybody sees them delivered to the dorm and nobody figures out who ordered them.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Uta Hagen's 7 Steps to Creating Your Character
The 6 Steps to creating a character:
1. Who am I? Who is the CHARACTER?
◦ What is my present state of being?
◦ How do I perceive myself?
◦ What am I wearing?
2. What are the Circumstances? Where am I?
◦ What time is it? (The year, the season, the day? At what time does my selected life
begin?)
◦ Where am I? (What city, neighborhood, building, and room? Or what landscape?)
◦ What surrounds me? (The immediate landscape? The weather? The condition of the
place and the nature of the objects in it?)
◦ Where am I coming from? What just happened?
◦ What are the immediate circumstances? (What has just happened, is happening? What
do I expect or plan to happen next and later on?)
3. What are my RELATIONSHIPS?
◦ How do I stand in relationship to the circumstaances, the place, the objects, and the
other people related to my circumstances?
◦ Who am I with and how do I feel about him/her?
4. What do I want? What's my OBJECTIVE?
◦ What is my main objective? My immediate need or objective?j
◦ What do I want from this person?
5. What is my OBSTACLE?
◦ What is in the way of what I want? How do I overcome it?
6. What do I have to do to get what I want?
◦ How can I achieve my objective/ What's my behavior? What are my actions?
7. What are the STAKES?
◦ How bad do I want it? How much will I risk to get it? Will I risk my life or not even a
dollar?
1. Who am I? Who is the CHARACTER?
◦ What is my present state of being?
◦ How do I perceive myself?
◦ What am I wearing?
2. What are the Circumstances? Where am I?
◦ What time is it? (The year, the season, the day? At what time does my selected life
begin?)
◦ Where am I? (What city, neighborhood, building, and room? Or what landscape?)
◦ What surrounds me? (The immediate landscape? The weather? The condition of the
place and the nature of the objects in it?)
◦ Where am I coming from? What just happened?
◦ What are the immediate circumstances? (What has just happened, is happening? What
do I expect or plan to happen next and later on?)
3. What are my RELATIONSHIPS?
◦ How do I stand in relationship to the circumstaances, the place, the objects, and the
other people related to my circumstances?
◦ Who am I with and how do I feel about him/her?
4. What do I want? What's my OBJECTIVE?
◦ What is my main objective? My immediate need or objective?j
◦ What do I want from this person?
5. What is my OBSTACLE?
◦ What is in the way of what I want? How do I overcome it?
6. What do I have to do to get what I want?
◦ How can I achieve my objective/ What's my behavior? What are my actions?
7. What are the STAKES?
◦ How bad do I want it? How much will I risk to get it? Will I risk my life or not even a
dollar?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
My Acting 101 Classes
Luis is so gorgeous. His looks intimidate me and make me feel shallow at the same time. He barely talks, but when he smiles I get a warm feeling in my stomach. I walk around campus imagining I'm hanging out with him and we are having really intelligent conversations. I can tell him all my views on the world and he agrees with me almost 100%. In my imaginary conversations, we only disagree on minor issues and only because I know it's unrealistic for us to think completely alike. He is listed as single on FB. He must be a total player to be so hot and not in a relationship. I'm basically praying that we somehow end up in a play together, not necessarily like "Romeo and Juliet" but something that will get us to practice together and spend time. Any ideas on how to get closer with him would be appreciated. =
I have to go now... Jill is here with Alex again. Seriously, dude, get a life! It's annoying but it fills me up with hope at the same time. There seemed to be no chance for them last semester but look at them now. Kind of like Luis and me.
I have to go now... Jill is here with Alex again. Seriously, dude, get a life! It's annoying but it fills me up with hope at the same time. There seemed to be no chance for them last semester but look at them now. Kind of like Luis and me.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Purpose of Fashion - Sex and Status
"Fashion may chatter about many things, but the conversation is mainly about sex and status. That fashion is about sex is obvious and even the designers of the fashion vanguard agree. "Men and women both, to an extent, get dressed to get laid," said British designer Katherine Hammett. "Fashion is all about mating...Think about an 18-year-old. And that energy trying on twenty different T-shirts before going out - to them it's so important... True fashion obsession is something to do with sex," said Gucci designer Tom Ford."
"Sex is only part of the fashion story. Fashions are as much product of social competition as the finest bird feathers or the sweetest bird song. They reflect people trying to outdo one another in a game of "Watch me!" and driving each other to excess. They show the restless, shifting rules of people always raising a bar between themselves and those clamoring to take their places at the top. This is what can turn fashion into a snobbish, exclusionary business. Only through an elaborate code of rules can those at the top defend their position. To be truly in the know, one needs dedication and discernment, as we as time and money. Lapses expose the arrivistes and posers. A fashion faux pas is not an aesthetic gaffe so much as a social and moral one. The code makes people care tremendously about tiny details o f cut, color, and material, and make them abandon an article of clothing once the style becomes passe, though it may be in mint condition and has cost a fortune.
A fashion that is in one season and out the next shows us what pure status effects look like. Stripped of social meaning, the garment looks worthless, even ridiculous. Competition may drive fashion to excess and ignite fashion crazes, but the pursuit of fashion is not frivolous of silly. The game may be frenzied but the players are operating rationally. They know that clothes are valuable currency in the social arena. They show that we are ahead of the pack or, at the very least, not left behind." - Survival of the Prettiest
"Sex is only part of the fashion story. Fashions are as much product of social competition as the finest bird feathers or the sweetest bird song. They reflect people trying to outdo one another in a game of "Watch me!" and driving each other to excess. They show the restless, shifting rules of people always raising a bar between themselves and those clamoring to take their places at the top. This is what can turn fashion into a snobbish, exclusionary business. Only through an elaborate code of rules can those at the top defend their position. To be truly in the know, one needs dedication and discernment, as we as time and money. Lapses expose the arrivistes and posers. A fashion faux pas is not an aesthetic gaffe so much as a social and moral one. The code makes people care tremendously about tiny details o f cut, color, and material, and make them abandon an article of clothing once the style becomes passe, though it may be in mint condition and has cost a fortune.
A fashion that is in one season and out the next shows us what pure status effects look like. Stripped of social meaning, the garment looks worthless, even ridiculous. Competition may drive fashion to excess and ignite fashion crazes, but the pursuit of fashion is not frivolous of silly. The game may be frenzied but the players are operating rationally. They know that clothes are valuable currency in the social arena. They show that we are ahead of the pack or, at the very least, not left behind." - Survival of the Prettiest
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